The Language of Leaving
by Jaded
Summary: Mara Jade and Luke have a parting conversation, saying some things, leaving most things unsaid. Takes place after "I, Jedi."


************************************** "The Language of Leaving" By Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com ) ************************************** 

Feedback: Yes, please send it if you liked it! Rating: PG Summary: Another trip to Yavin IV leaves Mara Jade unsatisfied. But before she leaves, she and Luke have a farewell talk about many things, some said and some unspoken. Takes place after "I, Jedi" and before the Hand of Thraw duology. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first Star Wars story--hope you like it. 

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Mara picked up the belt and looped it snugly around her waist. Straightening herself up, it slid down and hugged her hips. Then twisting around, she bent and hefted a black pack over her shoulder. It was time to go again. 

Giving the room little more than one last glance, she shut the door with the heel of her boot and sauntered down the hallway to the Jade's Fire. It was early morning and many of the students at the Jedi Academy were either still asleep or getting prepared for the day. She decided it would be best to make an early exit and avoid the half-hearted good-byes and the formalities that seemed to come with leaving. She had no intention on wasting anymore time. 

Almost to her ship, she suddenly skidded to a halt. Staring blankly at first, she shook her head and cleared her mind. How stupid of me, she thought as she gave a turned impatiently to return to her room. 

The room was bathed in a warm morning sunrise, but remained mostly dark. She walked matter-of-factly over to the bed and throwing the pack on top of the unmade sheets, she dropped to her knees and reached under the bed, her hand feeling for something. She smiled lightly as the cool feeling of the lightsaber's metal slid into her hand. She pulled it out from underneath the bed and gave it a hard stare. Mara turned it over in her hand and looked at it as if it were the first time she had ever held the weapon. This was once Vader's, she thought, and now-- now a gift from Luke Skywalker, to her, Mara Jade, the once powerful Emperor's Hand. 

Memories and lives long gone fading into the backdrop like starlines, she thought, pulling herself up and dusting up her jumpsuit. Things left light-years behind. As she stood she tensed, her hand tightening around the lightsaber, but searching around quickly with the force she just as quickly relaxed and did a quarter turn to face a corner where a blue-eyed farmboy sat quietly, watching her calmly. 

"New hobby or were you trying to scare me?" she said, lip curled in curiosity. 

"Just admiring the view," Luke returned just as slyly. 

Mara stared at him, mouth agape for a moment. Were Han and Lando rubbing off on him, she thought with a shake of her head? "Very charming," she volleyed back, "the view I mean." 

"Yavin is a beautiful place," he agreed standing up and walking over towards her. "Sometimes I don't think I could bear to leave." 

"So you're wondering why it's so easy for me to leave, huh?" Mara replied, finishing off his thought. He nodded. 

She sighed and turned away from him. "It's not that I don't like it here, but really Luke . . . I just came to visit--to give you a message." His passive face exasperated her. "You're not going to convince me to stay and train. I've done that already." She placed her hands on her hips. "Stop looking at me like that, will you, Skywalker? I'm not a Jedi. Not gonna be. It's not my thing." 

"You're so many things, Mara," he said, looking intently at her face. "Maybe in time you'll find that the force is a lot more of who you are than you are willing to believe right now." 

"Well that's then. Right now though, Skywalker . . ." she trailed off, not knowing what to say next. She shifted her feet uncomfortably. 

Luke cleared his throat. "Why did you come here, Mara?" 

She eyed him, confused. "I just told you--to deliver you a message." 

"But you could just as easily have used a com-link. We may scale back the technology a bit here, but really, Mara." 

She shrugged. "I was in the area, and I thought, 'why not make nice and see how the galaxy's favorite Jedi knight is faring?' If I had realized that I wasn't wanted here, well, I wouldn't have wasted my time." 

"Mara . . ." She waved him off dissmissivly "No, no. I get how it really is." 

"You're always wanted here," he pressed. 

"Tell me how you really feel," she said, a twinkle blazing in her green eyes. 

"How 'bout you give me the same courtesy?" 

Her lips thinned in a makeshift smile. "To be honest, Luke, I also came here to check on you--and not just for Leia." He lifted one hand and one prosthetic hand up, palms out, not understanding. "You have a tendency to take on too much at once. If nobody's ever told you that--well, I'm doing that now." 

He smiled sadly at her. "You don't have to be my keeper, Mara." 

Her mouth formed a perfect "O" which developed in synch with the arching of one eyebrow. She moved her lips to say something, but stopped herself. Mara let a wry smile touch her lips. Luke blinked slightly, noting in the back of his mind how it seemed to light up her face. Somehow that thought made him feel even sadder. 

"Someone's gotta watch out for you, Skywalker." She rolled her shoulders, felt and heard the pop of air between her vertebrae. She made a move to leave. "Take care, Luke." Her words seem to falter, and she looked down as she said this as though she were really addressing her boots. 

He hitched for a second, but recovered remarkably. "Don't worry about it, Mara," he said with a hint of a grin, "I don't think I'll be crossing over to the dark side any time soon." 

Her returned laugh sounded stilted--strained. "You better not. I don't want to have to drop everything and haul-ass half-way across the universe to keep you out of trouble." 

"I promise I won't bring about the destruction of the universe without your permission, Captain Jade," he said, saluting her. 

"Destroy the universe, eh? Mighty high opinion of yourself for a farmboy." She shook her bright mane of reddish-gold. "Just because a handful of people decide to call you 'Master' you let it get to your head." She clicked her tongue at him. 

"You're going to be sorely missed, Mara Jade," he smiled and at the same time touching her unconsciously on the elbow. She visibly tensed. 

"But really, Luke, in all seriousness. You have this annoying habit of taking on too much. The weight of the universe should not have to rest on your shoulders." She shook her head again. "I've told you this before, but you gotta start listening. Take some time out for yourself. Private time is like the bacta tank for the soul, so immerse yourself." Mara took a step back to distance her from him so she could get away, but Luke did not seem at accept this move. 

"I'll be okay." He raised and eyebrow. "Promise." 

Mara snorted derisively. "I'm not just talking about Jedi meditation. Do like every other person in the universe does and take a break. We," she paused, staring wonderingly into his clear blue eyes, dreamy and lost as she now suddenly felt, "we both," she continued with emphasis on the duality of what she was going to say, "have a long way to go before we heal." She placed the palm of her hand tentatively on his chest and felt the heartbeat there beneath the black of his normal Jedi attire. 

Then, like a bolt shooting through her she caught a glimpse into Luke Skywalker's inner turmoil. Her eyes flickered wild and confused. If she could have seen then she would have noticed that Luke was undergoing the same process with her. Images and emotions flooded and revealed themselves like layers of an onion being peeled away. I him she saw faces--Vader, Leia, Han; faces of people, men and women she did not know but somehow knew. Love lost. Loneliness. Then she saw herself and drew away, startled. So quick--a split second . . . all of that, but she felt as though her brain had suffered flash burn. Luke seemed equally shell-shocked and they stood there paralyzed. Although Luke had seen inside of her, Mara kept herself deeply guarded and only time could unlock those vaults. 

They shot each other matching looks. They were more alike than they would ever care to admit to each other. 

Mara recovered first. "Yeah, I really gotta go, Luke," she said sluggishly, stepping away again. 

"I really wish you'd reconsider, Mara." 

"Why?" she finally asked. "There isn't anything here anchoring me down. Honestly, I like my freedom." 

"Well I would hope that it wouldn't require chains to make you want to stay here, Mara. I'd hope you'd want to stay here one day on your own volition." 

"Like I've said before, Luke, I think I've learned what I've needed." She held up her hand to stop him before he could further protest. "But that doesn't mean I won't be back. Luke, I've done this before. I've left and I've returned." She honored him with one of her most devastating smiles; one usually kept in cold storage. "I'm like a bad rash. I keep coming back, and, I have a tendency to get under your skin. That's why I have to leave every once in a while." She shrugged. "Call me a restless spirit." 

"I guess I just don't like to see you quit like this and then run." 

She gaped at him. "Skywalker!" she cried, balling up her fist and rapping him once or twice on the head, "have you crashed your X-wing one too many times and finally destroyed any common sense you had? Mara Jade does not QUIT, and she does NOT, let me reiterate that for you, she does NOT run away." 

He shrugged. "People tend to run away when they feel uncomfortable or scared." 

She snorted. "Well that proves it. I'm not running away from anything because that would mean that something actually scares me, which in itself is a ridiculous concept." 

"I was wondering that myself," Luke murmured, rubbing the spot on his head where Mara had hit him. 

Mara coughed uneasily. Me scared, she thought. Really, me scared of something . . . or someone . . . 

"Like I said, I really should go." Mara made another move and closed in on her ship. 

"When do you think you'll finally stay?" Luke called, a last effort. 

Mara thought about the question for a moment and then answered him, and herself, satisfactorily. "When I'm given a good reason to strand myself on this moon," she said in all earnestly. With that she gave a last appraising glance at the man to whom she had dedicated years to destroying. "When you give me a good reason to stay, Luke," she almost whispered. 

Luke was mute and could only watch and wave as she boarded the Jade's Fire. 

As Mara directed her ship towards her next destination she submerged herself in the familiarity of its surroundings. Running away? she thought sourly, please. From what? But her contempt faded and she shook her head again, shamefaced. Yes, scared, she thought, but that fear she was leaving back on Yavin, and there it would remain until she felt ready to face it, or when it was ready to face her. 

Now though, it would have to wait. *He* would have to wait. One day, no doubt, she would return to where the starlines faded like fingerprints and meet her fate. One day. 


End file.
